"We all need to develop skills for listening to a larger culture"

Morning Prayer – Easter VI – St. John’s Los Angeles



THIS right here ... it's just so obvious, so simple, and so beautifully shared:

<< [Paul]  was able to say those things because he listened. He had the gift of listening ... to where those folks were at, and to where their culture was at, and to what their needs were, and he knew that then and now people grope for God.

People are looking for God. People are hungry for God. But there are things that keep them away. I think sometimes a lack of listening keeps people away, and I think we need to cultivate that gift of "listening."

I want to tell you something that I've been really thinking about this last week or so, and it was a failure on my part to listen. I didn't listen, and I made assumptions, and got out my playbook about what I thought somebody was, or what there wasn't, I didn't listen to what that person's longing was.

And of course, our connections these days are all online, and this was on Facebook, and someone had presented this picture of a man protesting the closures, the lockdowns, in Newport Beach. He had a sign that said, "GODAMMIT I NEED A HAIRCUT !" Of course, this is the Internet, and he was taken to task on this person's page, and my response was just that FACEPALM emoji, and then someone whom I know well, who knows me well, said, "You need to LISTEN. Look at the picture again. You need to listen."

I looked at the picture again, obviously I'm "looking," but I'm also "listening," what is that man trying to tell me. She said, "What do you see in the man's face?" And to be honest? I didn't even see his face, I looked at his sign. What I saw ... was fear. What I saw, at the bottom of the picture, was two little children that were wrapped around his knees. My friend said to me, "Could it be possible that if you really listened to this man you could hear what he was really saying? It's not about his haircut. Well, maybe he's not vulnerable enough to say, or afraid to say, is that, 'I am afraid. How am I going to pay for my life. Suppose I lose everything, how will I pay to feed my children. I'm afraid.'"

She said, "That might be what he's saying there, because he looks like he's afraid. It made me think about how I listen to people. What am I listening for?

Paul was able to bring the Good News of a Gospel to people because he listened to where they were at. He could have just jumped in and said, "Get rid of all these idols! This is ridiculous ! You're doing it all wrong ! I'm going to knock all these things down !" No one would have heard him ! Not many people did. At the end of this passage we're told that a couple of people decided to follow him; not the whole town. He's in the marketplace, the whole place is there, but a couple of people followed him.

People who were hungry seeking knowledge, people hungry seeking connection and relationship, seeking the Good News of The Living God. Groping for God.

I think at this time in our life, in this country, we're filled with people groping for God, groping for meaning, groping for relationship, groping for hope. Because sometimes it feels hopeless. If you are a seeker, not a church-goer, and you're watching this? You need to know that Church People don't have all the answers; we're also groping for God. But our relationship with The Living Lord gives us hope, but we still grasp for meaning.

Last week we had a wonderful service, and it was lovely; it was Mother's Day and the people of St. John's loved it, we worked hard on it. A couple of days in? There were 700 people who viewed that service. We would have NEVER had 700 people, ever ever ever at St. John's, so that tells me  there are people out there hungry for Good News.

The Larger Church has talked about things like this, and their response is, "Alright ! Let's get out there and tell 'em!" And I've been thinking:
"Well, yes, but maybe we need to LISTEN to where people are at ...
maybe the Church needs to listen like Paul listened to The Culture.
Listen to The Larger Culture.
Why are people sometimes afraid of being in church.
Why are  people sometimes thinking, 'Well, that wouldn't be for me, I wouldn't be accepted.'
Why are people sometimes thinking, "You know, well, you have to buy in to EVERYthing and there's no process, you're either in or you're out.'"

And what I'm here to say today, If you are someone who is listening to this but not a believer, not a member of any church, I welcome you in the name of Jesus Christ. If you are looking at this through a door where you're just peeking through a keyhole, I welcome you ...

and there is a place for process for belief. If you're grasping for meaning, if you're grasping for hope, there's a biblical vision of a God who is active in people's lives. A God who is a Sustainer, a Creator, a Lover, a God who conquers death for you and for me. And there's a process for that. You can belong in that community before you believe and we welcome you.

The Church needs to listen to where people are at.
The Church needs to develop, we all need to develop, skills for listening to a larger culture.
If we can develop that skill, this is our greatest hour, we can be there for people. But I wonder first to think about, What shrines to unknown gods have we set up that keep people away. What are the Have-to-Haves, the Have-to-Bes, that keep people on the other side of the door.

Are we giving people hope? Or are we giving people utter judgment.

You know, Paul tells us that we will be judged, but it's a judgment wrapped up in mercy. It's a judgment that is relational at its root.

The work of the Church at this time is listen; to listen not only to the culture that's seeking God, but to listen to where God is calling us in this particular time.

If we listen, we might hear the smashing of idols to an unknown God.

If we listen, we might realize that God is raising things up, in making old things new, that ALL people, ALL people might be drawn to Himself.

So my sisters and brothers, let us listen.
Let us listen for the voice of the Spirit whose coming upon us that will make all things new ... ALL things new ...

-> O God of unchangeable power and eternal light: Look favorably on your whole Church, that wonderful and sacred mystery; by the effectual working of your providence, carry out in tranquillity the plan of salvation; let the whole world see and know that things which were cast down are being raised up, and things which had grown old are being made new, and that all things are being brought to their perfection by him through whom all things were made, your Son Jesus Christ our Lord; who lives and reigns with you, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever.  Amen. <- >>

https://youtu.be/h-cP8M6Hn1A?t=1329

Oat Pancakes

I'm sure the original recipe is lovely, it's on the jump at the bottom, but I've been working it every Sunday during The Fiasco, and I've REALLY perfected it. I'm gonna give you my tweeked recipe, and if you want The Original, you're welcomed to it at the bottom. XOXO !

INGREDIENTS

• 1/2 cup old-fashioned rolled oats
• 1/4 cup steel-cut oats
• 1/4 cup oat bran
• 1 cup milk, regular or non-dairy
• 1 handful of crystalized ginger, minced
• 1 TABLEspoon melted butter

• 2 large eggs, whisked before adding

• 1 tablespoon granulated sugar (or some such sweet substitute
• 2/3 cup almond flour
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/4 teaspoon kosher salt 
• 1/4 teaspoon allspice
• little grated orange peel if you've got it

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Whisk milk in to the oats and let it sit WHILE you

2. Melt the tablespoon of butter quickly and mix that in with the oats and let it sit WHILE you

3. Chop up your ginger and mix that in with the oats and let it sit WHILE you

4.  In a separate smaller bowl, put all the dry ingredients together and stir that around a little. Let it be.

5.  In a cup (or something), whisk your two eggs and mix that in with the oats and let it sit WHILE you

6. Turn to the dry ingredients bowl. Now listen, they're not kiddin' with this instruction:
    DO. NOT. OVER-MIX.
    You're gonna dump the dry ingredients in with the oats, and
    treat it like egg whites, gently fold that in to the mixture.
    Be easy, don't try to prove anything, and just get everything mixed together AND
    LET IT BE while you

7. Go clean your dishes. (You do this anyway, don'tcha? You clean as you go, right? so that when you're done your kitchen is clean as a whistle, right? Of course you do.)

COOKING

• NON-STICK PAN OR GRIDDLE, your best.
  Turn a high heat on underneath it, and throw some water in there.
  When that water starts to sizzle, she ready.
• HUGE SERVING SPOON, stir the batter up from the bottom, and lay a silver-dollar-sized blob around the outside of the pan. Continue until it's full (and if you've got mad spatula skills, go ahead and put one in the middle of the pan, too!
• (N.B.: The blobs are only going to get fluffy and rise, they're not going to spread.)
• Same old gag, wait until you see bubbles on the top or around the edges, then flip it, and by the time you're reached for your serving plate, it's ready

RESIST ! instructions to put butter in the pan, it's awful advice.

DO ! put a 'lil butter on the finished cakes.

DO ! find some GORGEOUS marmalade, jelly to top the butter, or let some fresh fruits fall on that stack.

and please eat them in good health and enjoy.

(p.s., the oats are good for you blood, and the fibre is good for your evacuation! WHEE !)

xoxo

THE ORIGINAL RECIPE NOTES:
"The pancakes can be refrigerated in an airtight container for up to 5 days or frozen for up to 2 months," but we never have them last that long. This recipe makes about a dozen silver-dollar-sized cakes.


https://www.thekitchn.com/oatmeal-pancakes-22943620

Happy Crappy Mother's Day - h/t N. John Shore, Jr.

Richard Wall said I only canonized my mother after I found out she was terminal, but thing is, I had the luxury and blessing of moving in and taking care of her those last six months as she literally curled up and died with several kinds of cancer. Mommy and Daddy were farm folk, and although Daddy LOVED science, Mommy was more the, "Never go to the doctor. If you go to the doctor they tell you you have CANCER and the next thing you know, you're dead" type, and it was repeated throughout my life that , "I want to die IN MY home, IN MY bed, IN MY sheets, now get me outta here."

You get a lot of psychic healing done while you're changing a colostomy bag, you know? You don't get Big Talks when there's been that much psychic damage done, but with us an entirely different kind of relationship emerged that was filled with her realization that none of any of it mattered any more and all of a sudden there were shared hilarities, because if The Traveler is blessed enough to be ready for the journey, then there's nothing left to do BUT laugh, especially when the Look Back is on a life lived in tight control for self preservation and a needless fear of being displaced.

I'm such a queen, there's a quote from Baby Jane in the last moments of Joan's confession when Bette says, "You mean all this time we could have been friends ..." Mommy came from a mighty and proud and scholarly matriarchy, but her two Great Aunts, then her Mama, then her Aunt Edna died within 14 months of each other when I was 12, and she never got over it and she was left all alone for the rest of her life.

Writer Extraordinaire John Shore wrote many years ago, HAPPY CRAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, and expounded its sentiments with a novel, EVERYWHERE SHE'S NOT. If you wrestle with the relationship with your mother, give this a go, it might help release some stuff for you. For others? you may not even want to go close to this. There's a quote from MARVIN’S ROOM:

<My feelings for you, Hank, are like a big bowl of fish hooks. I can't just pick up one up at a time. I pick one up and they all come, so I just tend to leave 'em alone.> God bless us, one and all, and here's to everyone who tries. xoxo

JOHN SHORE: << Every year on Mother’s Day I find myself feeling for all those whom the good Lord saw fit to birth unto a woman no more suited for motherhood than June Cleaver was suited for professional mud wrestling. All around them others are waxing rhapsodic about their loving, tender, wise, resourceful, self-sacrificing Exemplary Mother, while they’re stuck remembering how their loser witch of a mom used to feed them cat food, or lock them naked outside in the rain, or in some other way make clear they were basically crazy.

To we who belong in the Crappy Mother’s Day Club, I say this:

besides selling mountains of over-priced, landfill-filling sentimentalized detritus, the reason d’etre for Mother’s Day is to fortify people’s desperate need to forever tell themselves that they had mothers who weren’t self-centered cretins who had no more business raising children than a fish has raising gerbils. They must tell themselves that they had a good mommy, and a happy childhood, and a wonderful family life, and that growing up everything for them was fabulous and sunny and happy and healthy. Because if they don’t tell themselves that — if for a moment they allow themselves to feel what an unhappy, crappy mother they had — then very quickly things start getting very bad for them indeed.

They know if they so much as go near that thread, the whole sweater will fall apart. Hah! Losers.

Better to look in your wallet and know that you’re broke, than to never look in it and insist that you’re rich.

Happy Crappy Mother’s Day, you brave and unswerving adherents to the truth!

And to those of you lucky enough to have been blessed with a sane, good mother? We charter members of the HCMD club embrace you, sincerely wish you a wonderful Mother’s Day, and trust you’ll forgive us if we step out of your Mother’s Day celebration just the slightest bit early.

Every year about this time I hear from people for whom Mother’s Day evokes feelings that are anything but warm and fuzzy–people raised by mothers who overall did them a lot more harm than good.

If you are someone whom the celebration of Mother’s Day leaves feeling cold, isolated, or anxious, then these five thoughts are for you.

1. You’re not alone. Many if not most people had mothers who were no more fit to raise children than wildebeests are to raise sea horses. People love to think that just BEING a mother makes you a good mother. But that’s like saying falling out of a plane makes you a good flyer. It doesn’t. Hallmark’s stock would go through the roof if they made Mother’s Day cards that said things like, “Here’s to you! / You insufferably toxic narcissist,” or, “ Happy Mother’s Day! / I’m sending you my therapist’s bills,” or “Roses are red / Violets are blue / Europe had the plague / And I have you.” (Note to self: start Happy Crappy Mother’s Day line of cards.)

2. Be depressed. The key to a happy depression lies in not trying to not be depressed. If Mother’s Day makes you sad, be sad. Lean into that truth. Trying to pretend it’s not happening—that your depression isn’t real and valid—serves no purpose. Give yourself permission to do nothing on MD. Lie on the couch, cover yourself with a blanket, eat food you know you shouldn’t, and binge watch TV. Or work out. Whatever. Just let yourself be bummed. You got severely dinked in the mom department. You deserve some self-pity and self-love.

3. Be angry. If you’re depressed about Mother’s Day, you’re not really depressed at all. Depression is anger that’s turned in on itself, because it has nowhere else to go. You’re not sad; you’re mad. You’re mad at your mother for not doing her job. Instead of loving and nurturing you, she only used you as a pawn in her own ongoing emotional drama. Instead of dealing with her child, she made her child deal with her. You couldn’t get mad at her then for treating you the awful way she did, because your literal survival depended upon your pleasing her as much as you could. But that was then. Today, you CAN allow yourself to feel the anger towards her that you’ve always felt. Do. She certainly deserves that. So do you.

4. Feel the love. Reject the common mistake of believing that in order to heal from your dysfunctional childhood you must so utterly reject your parents that you effectively cease to love them. No person can stop themselves from, at some level, loving their parents, no matter how harmful or toxic their parents were/are. Loving our mothers is simply hardwired into our, well, motherboards. So while you can’t negate that love, you can contain it. It’s not your ADULT self you who loves and needs your mother. It’s the child in you. And that’s okay. Because you can give your inner child all the love that child needs. Just give yourself permission to do that, and to receive that.

5. And now a poem I wrote called “Raised Too Alone.”

If

your mother

was caustic,

toxic,

abusive,

vindictive,

twisted,

dangerous:

If she was irresistibly drawn

to making much too clear

that her unhappiness—

her pain,

her dysfunction,

her drama—

was more precious to her

than you could ever be,

so that as a child

you

had to live your life

frightfully and desperately

scrounging

for whatever

corrupted version of love

you could squeeze from her,

then this Mother’s Day,

while others

(as you imagine; as we all imagine)

are basking in the warmth

of their exemplary mothers,

you close your eyes,

and say a prayer

for her

and then say a loving prayer

for yourself,

for the child

raised too alone.

And then open your eyes—

and there is the world,

beautiful again.

Uncorrupted again.

And

[Screw] ’em.

[Scew] ’em all.

Because you are still here,

and you are not done yet. >>