I Have Been Healed by the Laying on of Hands

Last week I deliberately unemployed myself after ten years in the same position as a personal assistant. I've found after surviving the Hanoi Hilton of my youth that itemizing and enumerating hurts and horrors is useless. I also believe memories are ground in to your brain like the grooves in a vinyl record and it's worthless to go over them and over them so I tend to take all the scripture references of casting my cares and burdons on God quite seriously and ... I think "I'm doing very well ..."

N.B.: I'm not terribly original, I usually regurgitate things I've picked up along the way ...
I try to write in a fashion where you can HEAR my line readings but sometimes it's an actual line reading i'm imitating so in these circumstances I try to include the original source.
When I say "I'm doing very well" I'm imitating
EDDIE IZZARD from the section of DRESSED TO KILL
which is HILARIOUS and insightful ...
this is a snip from a section called STRATEGIC SHEEP
(which is in the middle of one of the best segments, CAKE OR DEATH)
where he's talking about the building of Stonehenge.
The whole Stonehenge segment is here, "I'm doing very well" is below.

Anyway, there's an entire post that's going to have to deal with the psychological detritus of my separation but I just wanted to give God props for a little thing God sticks all over the scriptures and throughout time, the spiritual and physical healing which comes from the ministration of the application of blessed oil.

I knew I was in deep psychic trouble after I left this job but there was still a lot of Stockholm Syndrome left in my spirit. I felt broken ... I felt a lot of things ... I also realised that in some small part, and here's the syndrome necessarily, because I'm the very best at what I do, I became addicted to my boss's cycles.

“What gift do you think a good servant has that separates him from the others – it’s the gift of anticipation.  And I’m a good servant.  I’m better than good, I’m the best:  I’m the perfect servant.  I know when they’ll be hungry and the food is ready.  I know when they’ll be tired and the bed is turned down.  I know it before they know it themselves.  But you must always serve in silence because they don't want you to be there; they want it to be their idea, you see.”

“What about your life, though.”

“I don’t have a life, I told you, I’m a servant.” -- Gosford Park

I knew if I kept her happy, if I entertained all her whims that she'd leave the other kids alone. I became addicted to anticipating her displeasure, to the expectation of her anger and disappointment ... I became addicted to praying against her prophecies that "no good deed goes unpunished" and that every single thing any one in life ever attempted was going to go down the shitter. And here too, the syndrome in defending her: I don't think she realises what she's saying and the impact it has on the entire universe.

Being raised with the Latin Mass in a Roman Catholic environment, I am an HUGE fan of the sacraments, especially those of Reconciliation (Confession)/Absolution and of the Eucharist (Communion). I heard all my life from the nuns and the priests that if people would only participate in the sacrament of Reconciliation once a week they wouldn't need to go to psychiatrists.  And I trooley believe there is power in that bread and wine and at the monastery there were tales I can't reference of miraculous healings from receiving the Host and of nuns who were under siege by marauders but repelled them by holding up a monstrance which blinded the bad men and assured the nuns safety. 

I know since the introduction of the Book of Common Prayer in 1979 we Episcopalians like to joke that we're "Baptism" folk, centering our identity around that particular sacrament ordained of Christ our Lord in the Gospel and part of that sacrament in toto is the anointing of the sick. I knew I was sick, in my heart, in my body, my mind and my spirit, and I knew I needed healing.

I believe there are spirits among us; I believe there are malevolent spirits as well as spirits of good will. I'm sure there is a personage, Satan, the detractor, the accuser. I also know the depths of my examined life and when I listen to my pentecostal teachers use the words "evil spirit" and "the devil" in connection with bible verses the more I'm convinced that they are actually defining the damaged part of our subconscious which tells us that we are unloveable, the we are unworthy, that God has neither concern nor care for our wellbeing. It surely doesn't help when those voices are also outside of us yelling, screaming, whispering, lying. The fact that we let them sound inside of the most sacred part of us, the eternal part, our spirit, is truly unconscionable and I believe it was the totality of Jesus' teaching to tell us to still those voices and BELIEVE that we are unconditionally loved by God ... We are loved and there is nothing we did or can do to earn it or deserve it and the faster we can grasp it then the faster we can start living lives of joy, spreading peace under sparkly rainbows as we square dance with unicorns in the glen ... lmao ... sorry ... sometimes I read myself for getting all serious and it cracks me up.

So ... praise God we have a Healing Service after Mass at my church and last Sunday's Gospel was all
"Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. ..." and I was like, gewrl, auntie needs some rest, so I stayed for the sacrament. Here's what Father Hugh says over the oil:

O Lord, holy Father, giver of health and salvation: Send your Holy Spirit to sanctify this oil; that, as your holy apostles anointed many that were sick and healed them, so may those who in faith and repentance receive this holy unction be made whole …

Then I told Father (through a wall of blubbering) what I believed to be the specifics of my major malfunction (numbnuts): I needed the smut of the last 10 years removed, I needed to be rid of any pride I might have in thinking my problems larger than they were and I needed to regain courage and confidence, having perceived myself to be beaten down, used and uncared for. Father Hugh goes:

I lay my hands upon you in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, beseeching our Lord Jesus Christ to sustain you with his presence, to drive away all sickness of body and spirit, and to give you that victory of life and peace which will enable you to serve him both now and ever more.  Amen.

and then he whispered, "BE HEALED, david ..."

(p.s.: this service is Ministration to the Sick from the Ministry with the Sick.)

LITERALLY, chilrens, LITERALLY I felt my bondage break and over the last few days seep away and drain out of the soles of my feet. All I can say is "I believe, there is love in heaven" and "all will be forgiven". I just know the hardest things are: letting go, learning to receive the love directly from the source of God and forgiving myself.

(http://youtu.be/SY1VLM2pTqY
Track eleven of Spring Awakening's original broadway soundtrack.
Spring Awakening Cast sing I Believe.
No copyright infringement intended.

Image Credit: sarahgrace24601 @ LiveJournal)