Mama's Cabbage Salad

This is one of Mama's recipes, my mother's mother, that MY mother could actually make. (Mommy was admittedly not a terrific cook.) Now with this recipe? there are just things one does because that's what one does, and the only answer, I promise you, is because it just doesn't work any other way ... and we've tried. This recipe makes a large crock full of salad, it's a lot more than you think.

STORAGE NOTE: You can't store it in baggies, it gets gross. You must store it in a non-metallic bowl or tupperware or plastic container ...

SERVING: When you go to serve it, stir it up from the bottom to coat "the cabbage" (cabbage, celery, onion). If you put too much on the table and want to save the leftovers, don't take the juice, just take the vegetables. Again, I don't know why. The salad lasts about four days. It gets better every single day you have it. About the fourth day, you'll be able to tell that you can't serve it again. It's still good, it's just not ... quite ... perfect, and if you keep it for another round it will just ... be ... gross, on the verge of turning to ... crap.

RECIPE FOR THE DRESSING:

Below is the SINGLE recipe. I suggest using a spoon with a very long handle ... you'll find out why. It doesn't matter if it's wood or metal or rubbah. It doesn't matter if you use a stainless or a non-stick pan.

In a saucepan, OFF the stove:

• bash 2 eggs. not like you're making scrambled eggs, but enough until the white and yellow are incorporated
• dump in 1 cup of white sugar and stir until incorporated
• dump in 3/4 cup of tap water and stir until incorporated ... watch this, because if you don't get all of the egg incorporated, then pieces of egg white gather during the heating process and they float to the top. it's very bizarre.
• dump in 3/4 cup of apple cider vinegar and stir until incorporated
• take a little liquid out of the saucepan in, like, a tea cup or a lil bowl or something.
  stir in a 1/2 TEAspoon of dry ground mustard. and stir that around and make sure it's incorporated.
  Pour that back in the saucepan, and stir that all around until that's incorporated.
• take a little liquid out of the saucepan in, like, a tea cup or a lil bowl or something.
  stir in a 1 TEAspoon of flour. and stir that around and make sure it's incorporated.
  Pour that back in the saucepan, and stir that all around until that's incorporated.
• put your pan on a high flame and stir that around. and stir and stir and stir don't you DARE turn your back on that, just stir and stir until you think you're going to drop. i'm not kidding. if you don't and you let it go, you're going to have a pan filled with boiled eggs in sweet vinegar.
• after a bit, there are going to be bubbles at the edges, teasing you in to believing that it's boiling, but it's not.
  then there are going to be LOTS of bubbles and you THINK it's boiling, but it's not.
  at some point the dressing is going to WOOSH up to a full froth.
  when that happens
• shut off the flame, take the pan off the heat, and stir in a TABLEspoon of butter.

Mama's note says:
"cool in sun parlour or on the attic steps"
thanks.

you just want to get it cool enough to pour on the cabbage without cooking the cabbage, and you can't put it in the fridge cause it gets a thick skim on it, and you can't put it in the freezer or you'll melt all the stuff in the freezer.

you want it to sit for about an hour. while you're going about your day, every time you walk by it, just stir it..like...every ten minutes or so ...

when it's cool, before you stir that in to the cabbage, i like to sprinkle the entire surface with a layer of ground black pepper and a palm of salt and then just stir that in

Here is "the cabbage".

• 1 head green cabbage (thanks. the bigger ones are best? but i don't see those much any more ... two softball sized ones would be good, were it not for the large hard white core, which I try not to use, so, if I can't find a large one I get three small ones.)
• 3 sticks of celery (this is sort of hilarious to me? i live for celery and I use a nice full entire stalk of celery.)
• 1 medium onion (i love onion? so i use a very large one. any kind you like.)

chop chop chop chop chop
you CANNOT use a food processor. just trust me on that? you just have to use a big knife and your making, like, Cheez-It-sized squares.

my mother, who could really only cook a handful of things, would OBSESS with everything needing to be teeny, tiny, teeny pieces, but i like larger pieces.

and that's it.

mix it up, pour dressing over it, mix it up, and serve, at either room temperature or chilled.

ooo, it's so good. it's got a vinegar bite and it's a little sweet but not really, and it's REALLY crunchy, and the good and best thing is, it's a great way to get greens on the table without it being a silly salad of lettuces, which you can have every day of the week.
ENJOY ! !